Caveat

I've heard this word "caveat" literally 5 times today. From several different media sources. Public radio, the newspaper, an internet article, magazine article, and just now on Gossip Girl. Yes, I do indulge in mindless t.v. from time to time. Anyway, I thought the universe must be sending me a message with this word today and felt it only right to acknowledge it.

So...I'm just getting home and settled after a long day of working my "real job" at the magazine, as well as my job waiting tables. It is 11:15 p.m. I am trying not to think of how dreadful I will feel when my alarm goes off in the morning to scream at me with it's jarring "Beeeeep Beeeep Beeeep" as if a 18 wheeler is backing into my bedroom and even scarier, about to crash into my actual bed. I will snooze it approximately 4 or 5 times, maybe 6, before I actually arise like a zombie, do the "thread the needle" yoga pose on each side, while still in bed and then finally as if I am walking to my death, will stumble into the bathroom to rid myself of the inevitable morning breath.

My mornings have been this pathetic for quite some time now. I hate to sound cliche' by using the term, "vicious cycle", but it is the best way my numb mind can describe my weekdays. Staying up late at night due to my evening gig waiting tables. Coming home and trying, but failing to decipher the most valuable use of my time. Will it be playing with my beloved dogs, tidying up my condo, journaling, reading all the yoga material I'm totally behind on, blogging, paying bills, working on my goals...the list goes on and on. Inevitably I stay up way longer than intended, before I finally shame myself to go to bed. Six or seven hours later the lovely "morning routine" I described above ensues.

I won't even bore you with the ins and outs of my actual work day. I know, I know, I am REALLY feeling sorry for myself. Things could most definitely be sufficiently worse. I do remind myself everyday of how lucky I am to have a job, two (jobs) actually, that between the two of them pay my bills. No there isn't much left over after that but...well that's what I'm working on. I have a condo that I feel at home in and definitely needs some work but I do have a vision for it.... somewhat.... with the help of a very talented interior designer acquaintance.

Anywhoo...I'm actually feeling pretty damn optimistic today, minus the usual exhaustion, burnout, ready- to- find- my- life's- purpose- urgency that pervades most my days. I'm feeling very confident that I'm on to something. More than just something. I'll keep you posted.

XOXO~ Ashley

p.s. Did I mention about the classes I taught at Shine Movement Studio last week? My first ever real yoga classes. So empowering!